i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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