he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My butt remains clenched, sir.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize