Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
