Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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