one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
