I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
