He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
