I faked an abortion last night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
