Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
