umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
