Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
