I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
