I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
