Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
