so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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