Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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