i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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