For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
