I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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