I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
