My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
