If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
