These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
