Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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