so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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