i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
