Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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