i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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