My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
