i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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