i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off