After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?