I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me