two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.