he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum