Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
