Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
