im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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