He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
