We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
