Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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