he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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