you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
