Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
