So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
