he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
