Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
