apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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