just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
