I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
