You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Randomize
