Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize