dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
