you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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