Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
