he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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