Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
