Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
