I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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