My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
