He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
