if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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