nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
