the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
