dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
