remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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