the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
