I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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