my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
