Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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