Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Help. Why am I so naked?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
