At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
