After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
