so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
