i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
