At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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