saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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