I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
