i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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