Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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