So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
